18

Dearest Raina,

May I live to see another day. May I live to hear your beautiful scoldings. May I live to fight another fight! May I live to taste my first kiss! May I live to regret what has passed.

I know not whether laws be right, Or whether laws be wrong; All that we know who lie in gaol Is that the wall is strong; And that each day is like a year, A year whose days are long.

Do you remember the tales of Kaun? The tales of the songs we used to sing as children and how they came to be? I remember sitting in the old cellar, pretending I was in gaol for starting the Rebellion, endlessly singing that mournful strain. What goes around, comes around.
A small shaft of sunlight beams in through the barred window high above my head, giving me sufficient light to lay before you the events of these last days.

I lay awake some hours that night we camped by the Tower. It loomed large and solitary in the open space and seemed to grow in the moonlight.
Near mid night, I heard the voices of Luc and Sol, sitting near the embers of the camp fire. Here is what I heard of their conversation. I only include it so that perhaps you will understand Luc a bit more.
"What have you learned of Emlyn?" Sol asked.
Luc's voice was sad and I could imagine his face, one of those rare times that sorrow shadows his bright eyes. "Nothing. I've searched for months, Uncle. But she is gone." He must have dropped his head in his hands for these last words were muffled.
"Ah..." Sol was silent for a moment. "So it would seem." Another pause. "It was a good six years ago that you came to me last. You told me you were setting out on your journey to become a hero and a Warrior. How did it go?"
Luc laughed softly. But his laugh died out quickly and he waited a moment to answer.
"Long ago I yearned to be a hero without knowing, in truth, what a hero was. Now, perhaps, I understand it a little better. A grower of turnips or a shaper of clay, a farmer or a king--every man is a hero if he strives more for others than for himself alone." He began to speak but his words caught in his throat. He tried again. "Emlyn showed me that. Did you know that she came with me on that journey? She insisted that a hero needed a page, just like the old stories." I could hear his usual smile in his voice. "But she was the one to become a hero. She was the one that opened my eyes to the heroes around me. We would spend weeks in one place, Emlyn insisting that a hero needed to fix all the problems he could, but in truth, each place we stopped, I was the one that got fixed, while Emlyn did the fixing for others. And everywhere she went, she left a trail of sunshine and I saw how it changed people, more than any conquering Warrior can. I decided that it would be better for me to become like Emlyn than any of the Warriors of old. The real heroes are the ones that save lives, not destroy them.
"We met Aunt Mor'en in Fre'gard and Emlyn got so close to Zel that I didn't have the heart to tear her away. I never made it to Warrior Training. And I didn't become the hero that I first set out to be. But I did change. And I'm still changing. I only wish I could do to people what Emlyn did. The world lost one of their greatest hero's when they lost Emlyn." His voice cracked and I pressed my ear against my pillow, a few solitary tears of sympathy leaking from my eyes, sorry for intruding on such a private conversation.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face though, the by-product of Luc's enthusiasm and countless smiles.

The fateful day dawned cold and bright. I was confronted by Sol early in my preparations. I groaned at his presence but turned to face him.
"Good morning, Sol." I said in the brightest tone I could muster.
He just grunted and stared me down. I stared right back and we stood there for a good minute.
"Are you afraid?" The question startled me and I nearly laughed.
"Old man, I haven't been afraid for years. There's no point in starting now." A bit cocky, but saying it helped to quench the small bit of fear in my gut.
"Then you are a fool." There was no smile in his voice and I saw a shadow flit across his face. I remained silent, unsure how to answer to that accusation.
"Lesson five: Courage."
"Already mastered, old man." Now I was overdoing the cocky role a bit much.
His eyes closed and he pressed his fingertips together. "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." He walked away and I just shook my head. What a weirdo!
I finished stretching myself and doing all I could to mentally prepare myself for a duel that seemed every moment to grow in size.
Luc had gone into the Tower to fix the details of the duel with Y'ata and I was anxious when he took so long to return. I sat on a stump, attempting to "master the fear" inside me. I calmed myself and put myself in a trancelike state, imagining every detail of the coming fight, a trick I had taught myself and one that has never failed to keep me focused.
Sol was doing some type of "meditation" in his tent, most likely asleep, and I was completely alone, facing the Tower and waiting for Luc to return and call me to duel.
My legs suddenly cramped and I stood, attempting to stretch them out and get the blood flowing. I was stomping around when I nearly stomped on Benk's toes. He seemed to appear out of thin air and I was speechless at his sudden appearance.
My first impulse was to embrace my old friend but I quickly recalled to remembrance his hated profession and our strict difference of feelings and opinions in a highly important matter.
He smiled very slightly and motioned for me to be silent when I opened my mouth. I could sense his discomfort and I gained confidence in knowing that I was in my "territory" and he was the intruder.
"Just listen to me Tair." His voice was level and businesslike. We were both aware of our differences and knew that it would just be a waste of time to try and patch it up. You know, besides you, he is the only one that has taken to calling me Tair?
Anyway, "We don't have a lot of time." He glanced around and I saw his eyes focus on the Tower door. "The King knows you're here. He had Y'ata set up this whole "duel" thing, knowing that if you were still alive Mor'en was sure to find you, desperate to save her daughter." He grimaced. "I have told you time and again that you must not take everything by it's face value!" We both couldn't help from smiling as we thought on the times that he had tried to teach me the ways of the Spy and in a lot of ways told me more than I should rightly know. "But that's beside the point. The whole thing is rigged. You may be able to go through a decent fight, but the King will be waiting to set the trap. His entire force is on his way here and a tse-tse fly wouldn't be able to escape. You've got to go now!"
We heard the big Tower door swing open and he stepped into the shadows of the trees.
"Please Tair! You've got to get out!" He seemed in earnest but something stopped me. I realize now that what I took to be intuition was nothing more than pride.
I glanced behind me and saw Luc coming closer. "Go away Benk." I turned my back on him but he would not leave so easily.
He came up to me, leaving himself open to Luc seeing him, and grasped my arm, turning me to face him. I could see Luc hurrying foward and Benk spoke quickly.
"Tair, I don't know who you think I've turned into, but you must know that I'm not going to leave you here to die! It's a trap! Just listen to me!" I yanked my arm away from him and delivered a good slap.
"GO. AWAY." I could not keep the tears from coming and he must have taken that for a weakening.
By this time Luc was beside me. He put his hand on my arm and gave me a questioning look, his eyes full of worry.
Luc turned to Benk and I was afraid there would be a messy confrontation. Luc is not the most skilled fighter, but neither is Benk and I don't think either of them would have hesitated in starting such a duel of honor.
But fate intervened. Or rather, Sol did. I had completely forgotten about him and his appearance startled me.
He turned his penetrating glance on Benk. "Young man, what could possibly have enticed you to come here?" Benk must have seen that Sol seemed to be in charge and he directed his case there.
"I'taira is my friend and I have come to warn her. This duel is a trap and the King is waiting to catch her. You must all leave now." He was composed but earnest.
Sol stared him down and he stood under it admirably. After a moment Sol turned to Luc.
"Pack up camp." Luc obeyed instantly and I was left to face Sol
"What!?" My voice screeched out. Something snapped in me. "He's a spy! The King's right hand man!" I nearly yelled, my finger pointing to his chest. "How can you believe him?!"
Sol watched me calmly and then turned to pack up his things. I found myself alone, Benk having disappeared, apparently confident that I would leave with Sol and Luc. But my blood was running high and my pride had been pricked.
I stomped my way to the Tower, passing by Luc but heedless of his protestations. I burst into the Tower and nearly smacked into Y'ata.
He is a tall and well built man, with graying hair and amber eyes. I stepped back to give myself room and then, with eyes blazing, I confronted the Mage.
"Mage Y'ata," I bowed slightly. "Let us begin." He smiled, a rather sickly sight, and the doors behind me swung shut.
The room was circular and empty, the perfect spot for a duel. The ceiling was high, but short enough to convey that there was another room on top. I inspected the space with my eyes, storing it in my memory and then nodded that I was ready. He handed me a beautifully jewelled blade and I hefted it in my hands, getting used to it. I find jewelled weapons silly things, but there was no denying that this blade was beautiful. It dazzled the eyes and I already felt as though I had been put under a spell.
I shook myself free of the feeling and we both circled the room and then, saluting each other, began. The fight was long and troublesome, but no magic was involved. With you as my sister, I believe I have some sort of sense of magic and I felt nothing and I actually gained. But so did he. I would gain ground, confident that I could end the whole thing soon and then he would push back the attack.
To make a long fight short, neither won. As you must have guessed, the King came bursting in the doors in the second hour and I was surrounded. I fought as best I could but I was dry of strength and with a bop on the head, I was out.
I found myself in this small room, with nothing but my writing pad and pen on my person. By my reckoning it has been almost two days since the duel. I delayed writing to you, hoping to write you after my "great escape" but I fear it may be long in coming. As far as I can guess, I am in the Tower of Deth. I don't know if Zel is here, but if she is I'm afraid I have little chance of helping her. I don't know why I am kept here still, but I fancy the King will get me when he needs me. I thank the stars that you never told me details of our followers. At least they will be safe when the torture begins.
I write this to you not for the intent that you rescue me, but that you carry on the work of the rebellion and if you ever see Benk, tell him I am sorry. I... I'm just sorry.
I don't know what has happened to Luc or Sol or Weed but I hope they are safe. Even Sol. On the bright side I suppose I could say that I got rid of Sol before I completed my lessons. But that thought doesn't help much.

Yours always,
I'taira, Warrior of the Rebellion

P.S.
Don't worry about me! I love you!